I used to think that happiness came from getting what you want in life. I thought it came from blessings, or finding the love of your life, or getting your dream job, or from your amazing kids, friends, toys, etc. While all of those things are great, I do not believe that any single one of them will bring happiness. NOTHING will bring happiness. Through many trials and bouts of sadness I have yearned to find the secret to being happy. My life has been tremendously blessed from the moment I was brought in to this world, however happiness eluded me. It escaped my grasp until I figured out that I could take joy in my life, no matter what I had or didn't have. Happiness is a choice that can never be taken away or given to me.
I have also learned that to be a happy person it is ESSENTIAL to not be happy all the time. 2nd Nephi 2:11 says "
For it must needs be, that there is an aopposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility"This means that it is necessary for there to be opposition in happiness too. We must feel pain and sorrow and sadness to truly appreciate what it feels like to be sad. But not just once, or even a few times at the beginning of our life, we need to experience these emotions often to truly feel the happiness when we choose to feel it. I used to be so afraid of being sad. So afraid of it that it truly was all I felt. because sadness was what I focused on so much, I could not allow any other emotions into my heart. Instead of fear them, I embrace my horrible days. For when I embrace them they change from horrible days, to horrible moments and I can then move on to the next emotion.
I went to a fireside given by Sister Oaks today. It was for a single adult conference and she addressed our singleness by saying it was not an accident that we are single at this time. We are exactly in the place where the lord would have us be, and there is a purpose for us being single. I have always looked at my singleness as a negative consequence of my own bad choices. What if it is a part of the plan? What if I can stop focusing on what I need to do to stop being single and just embrace it as being exactly what the Lord has planned for me in this moment. What if I could begin living every moment that way? As if every moment is exactly the moment the Lord had planned. It might not be the moment I had planned, but it is exactly what the Lord had planned. How would that affect my choices and the way I behaved?
The best news that comes from all of this personal revelation is that I GET to be happy, and I get to do it even without finding a husband, and that is pretty cool.
This is my amazing cute sister Amy. She is six months pregnant and right after this picture was taken she walked with us across the Golden Gate bridge. I'm not worthy. Not only did she do that, but that morning she got up at 4:30 to make it to the airport to fly to San Jose, then we spent most of the morning walking around the city before we ended up at the bridge. Then after the bridge she made the 15 minute walk it took to get us to the restaurant in Sausalito. Again, I'm not worthy. Thanks Amy for making such a superwoman effort to be a part of my birthday. I love you!
